Where I Eat, Pray and Love

In this Oprah Show interview, the men from the movie discuss where they eat, pray and love. At the end of the interview James Franco, who plays David, says that his eat, pray and love is all in one spot, he "didn't have to travel the world". I think this is important to remember. Sometimes what we need is right in front of us all a long.


On that note I decided to think about my own eat, pray and love.

• Eat

My favourite dish would have to be a salmon, spinach, chickpea and mango salad. This is slightly ironic considering that I eat a mostly vegetarian diet but that's definitely my favourite eat at the moment.

• Pray

I'm Catholic so the most obvious place that I pray would have to be the church. However,  I feel my closest to God when I'm by the ocean. There's something about it's majesty that makes me believe in the ability of something greater than myself.

• Love

I feel my greatest love when I sit around the dining room table for a meal with my family. Stories, jokes and reminiscences make it the best part of my day.

Eat. Pray. Love. A Review.

I've said it before but I'll say it again, this was not a book I wanted to read. I was put off by Elizabeth Gilbert's self righteous manner on the Oprah Show and I vowed never to fall prey to her book like so many others. But with the release of Eat Pray Love, the film, I considered reading it to base my opinion on something more substantial than an Oprah interview.


There is no question that I loved reading about Italy. I too am in love with a European nation and, while the apple of my eye is France, I could identify with the longing to immerse oneself in another culture. Italy was an easy read but as Paula Joye correctly points out it's when she says stuff like, "I can make friends with anybody. I can make friends with the dead. . . . If there isn’t anyone else around to talk to, I could probably make friends with a four-foot-tall pile of Sheetrock" that I want to hit her.


India was the most difficult to get through. I'm not one for the whole, "I've lost myself so I'm gonna find myself in India" pa lava but, like I said, I persevered. The one thing that she wrote that did stand out for me was this: 

“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction…I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I’m going to to view unfortunate circumstances in my life- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occasions when I can’t rise  to the most optimistic viewpoint, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of my voice in which I speak to others.

And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.

This last concept is a radically new idea for me. Richard from Texas brought it to my attention recently when I was complaining about my inability to stop brooding. He said, ‘Groceries, you need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes you’re gonna wear everyday. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. Drop everything else but that. Because if you can’t learn to master your thinking, you’re in deep trouble forever.”

On first glance, this seems a nearly impossible task. Control your thoughts? Instead of the other way around? But imagine if you could? This is not about repression or denial. Repression and denial set up elaborate games to pretend that negative thoughts and feeling are not occurring. What Richard is talking about is instead admitting to the existence of negative thoughts, understanding where they come from and why they arrived, and then- with great forgiveness and fortitude – dismissing them. 

So I’ve started being vigilant about watching my thoughts all day, and monitoring them. I repeat this vow about 700 times a day: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore.” [p. 177-179]

I definitely struggle with "harboring unhealthy thoughts" and this observation about admitting to and acknowledging these thoughts and dismissing them struck me as so obvious an idea that I can't believe I missed it. 


That's the only piece of wisdom of Gilbert's that I can draw from the book. The other two come from characters within her book. Her guru teaches that, "...Happiness is a consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it. You have to participate in the manifestations of your own blessings and once you have achieved a state of happiness you must never become lax about it. It's easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to it's good attainments".


I'm a firm believer of creating our own happiness through our words, actions and thoughts. I think that remaining grateful for what we are given in life is imperative to sustaining our happiness and that time is the best healer in a crisis.


Bali was also better than India to an extent. One of the things that put me off Elizabeth Gilbert was her ability to fall so happily in love with another man after destroying the life of another man. I know this opinion won't make me particularly popular but I have to wonder what her ex-husband thinks of the way she "made peace with him" during a meditation where their "souls met and accepted one another". I don't like that she made so many promises to him before they were married and broke them.


Maybe I just need to live a little longer to truly understand this book. I've never been married and I can't begin to contemplate the inner workings of my parent's marriage let alone the marriage of a person I've never met. 


I think the important message to draw from Eat Pray Love is that of hope and sustaining that hope no matter what the odds. Ketut, a Balinese medicine man in the book, puts it perfectly when he says that for everyone it is the "same in the end, so better to be happy on the journey".


If it's not clear by now this book wasn't one of my favourites and I'm far more inclined to read her next book, Committed, which is an in depth look into marriage. At the end of the day, however, I'm glad I finally read it.  

Ten Day Cycle Revisited

So ten days came and went fast. Faster than I had expected it to to be honest so that's why my reflection on it comes a week late. Let's see how I went.
1. Blog every day for the next ten days. 

I did it! In fact, I didn't blog for the last two days and I really missed it. At this stage, when I'm unable to draw or play my piano due to a severe lack of time, writing is the best form of creative expression for me and I love it.

2. Finish reading Eat, Pray, Love

I did it! I persevered and finally finished on day ten. Expect a review in my next post.

3. Stop picking my nails

I did it! The industry I'm working in at the moment really isn't conducive to beautifully manicured paws but I've tried my best to work with what I have. Clear nail polish and lots of hand cream anyone?

4. Avoid artificial sugar for ten days. 

Ok, I admit it, I gave up one this one on day one but it will be put towards my next cycle. These articles from Urban Remedy have reminded me of the importance of trying to cut down on the old sugar devil.

5. Stretch

Stretch after my runs. 

I did it! Sort of. I think I forgot to stretch on one occasion. I get distracted as soon as I walk into the house so I'm going to try and make an effort to stretch in the garden or at park at the end of my runs rather than inside.

6. Get to bed at a decent hour

The latest I got into bed on the nights that I wasn't at work was 10.30pm which I'm happy with. In hindsight 10pm was a little unrealistic.

7. Develop a better morning routine

Fail. I made no effort towards this goal. I didn't plan what I was going to do and I all but forgot that I had even made it a goal in the first place. I'll try to make more of an effort towards this goal in my next 10 day cycle.

8. Stay in touch

Make contact with those people I've lost along the way.

I reached out to two friends that I hadn't spoken to in a while. It was great to hear what was happening in their lives and to share what is happening in mine. Relationships strengthen the soul.

9. Watch Mad Men and love it

Love it I did. Love it I do. The men in this show are awful but perfect given the time that is portrayed. Thank goodness for the women who stood up for themselves and made the opportunities in my life possible.

10. Bake that cake

That cake did not get baked. I worked every day during this cycle apart from last Sunday when I... slept. I still want to make it though. Tomorrow is a possibility.

So all in all I accomplished quite a bit during my ten day cycle. The concept is a great one. It forces us to set little goals for ourselves all of which contribute to our beings as a whole. I plan to make a few adjustments to the layout of my next cycle but I'll discuss those when I write that post. Thank you to Laura Valerie for introducing me to the idea.

I loved school

A person I worked with was shocked when I mentioned that I loved my school days the other day. His response was, "you need to see someone", which could only mean that he thought I was a little crazy.


But I did. I loved learning, I loved my teachers, I loved my uniform. I loved the fact that I got to see my best friend every day without fail. Heck, I'll even admit that I loved doing homework. I was very involved in the school as a whole which made it easy to enjoy my days there.


It's been two years since I completed my schooling and I wouldn't go back. I wouldn't re-live my school days. They happened and, at this point in my life, they form some of my best memories but when I finished, I was ready to finish. Life was waiting for me and I was ready to live it.


I cried when I left. I cried a lot. Not because I thought the world was coming to an end because I was leaving but because leaving school went hand in hand with leaving the country I grew up in. Not only would I not be seeing my best friend every day but the chances of seeing her even once a year were slim. That's what made me cry.

Everything, while it didn't seem that way at the time, was simpler then. The single sex, Catholic school I attended protected me from reality in a way I didn't realise until I had to live outside it's walls. I won't deny that reality is great. I'm free to do what I like, when I like with the people I like. But reality can be tough too and that's exactly what my last two years of reality have been: tough but great.


Sometimes my "inner voice", if you will, manages to convince me that I've accomplished very little within these last two years. It's mean and makes me feel fairly inadequate but when I pull myself out of that type of reflection I realise that I've done a lot.


I've moved eleven thousand kilometers across the world, settled down in a different country, been an pair, learnt to cook, figured out what I want to study (even though I'm constantly second guessing myself about that one), earned my own money and learnt to drive. I've accomplished plenty and I need to remember that in order to avoid slipping into a sour mindset.


In her farewell speech to the school, my best friend made a comment that I need to remind myself of on a regular basis, "Now is the time for us to shine, the time when our dreams  are in reach and possibilities vast. Now is the time for all of us to become the people we always dreamed of being. This is your world. You're here. You matter..."

The Invitation

Written by Oriah, this poem is so beautiful and perfect considering that I contributed to the first day of somebody's marriage.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know  if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day.

And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

My First Wedding

I've only been to one wedding in the last twenty years of my life. It was my aunt's and I was the flower girl. I remember walking down the aisle next to my cousin and getting into the bridal but that's pretty much it.


Last night I worked at my very first wedding. I was put on the children's table and spent my night running around after the flower girls and page boy. The rest of the team saw to their jobs and as a whole we came together to put on an amazing wedding for the couple.


At the end of the night the bride was quoted as saying, "nobody get's to say that their wedding day was perfect but mine was." The maid of honor wrote a thank you letter to the staff and the groom told my supervisor that the night was a ten out of ten thanks to us. I get the feeling we did a really good job.


And so we should have. When I thought about what were doing, really thought about it, we were doing more than working another event. It was somebody's wedding. Somebody's memory, iconic life experience and emotions we were dealing with. We needed to aim for more than perfection and we did.


In terms of a wedding reception it was a fairly cookie-cutter affair as they say. Traditional white ball gown, two tier cake, matching bride's maids dresses and all.I got to see the "stress" they speak of when referring to weddings in the half an hour leading up to the arrival of the guests as the bride paced anxiously up and down the room.

I've never really thought about my own wedding. I try not too. But what I hope that it is an intimate affair, I hope that I calm and more focussed on the purpose of the day than the day itself and I hope that all those that I love are able to be there to witness my love made sacred. (There'll also be a flautist performing Pachelbel's Canon in D during the bridal march but that's the only detail I know for sure.)

Advice, like youth, probably wasted on the young.

This article was originally published  in the Chicago Tribune on June 1st, 1997. It's written by Mary Shmich. I'm still young so I doubt I can grasp how true this is but it still speaks to me on a number of different levels.

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. 
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. 
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.