Where’d the First Quarter Go?

I didn't create any New Year's resolutions this year. Not one. Last New Year's Day I had plenty and I actually managed to follow through many of them. I completely neglected that tradition this year. Now, this could be considered a good thing if I'd deliberately not decided what my goals for the year were. It could probably be thought of as rather impressive that I'd dropped my controlling ways and decided to take the year as it came. However, neither of these are the reasons for my disregard of the possibilities of two thousand and eleven. To be honest, I barely registered that a new year had even begun.

New Year's Eve 2010 was spent crossing, "watch the Sydney New Year's Eve fireworks live", off my bucket list with my best friend. She was visiting from South Africa and we spent the following two weeks travelling around Sydney and Canberra together. I decided, at the time, that I wasn't going to do anything but be while she was around. We hadn't seen one another in two years and I wasn't going to spend the time we had together fussing over the year to come. I'd do that when she left.

But I didn't. I started the third, and final, part of my Industry Training placement and settled into a habit of long days, too little sleep and far too much time spent on Facebook. I stopped writing – so much so that I haven't even recorded our amazing holiday – neglected my running and started drinking soft drink, which I firmly believe to be poison. Every now and again I'd contemplate how much I'd drifted away from everything that meant something to me but I'd be too tired to give it too much thought and so I'd continue along my derailed track.

This post is not written to say, "Hey! I've snapped out of it. I'm Ba-Ack!", because I haven't. I'm just incredibly aware of the potential damage this ignorance could cause. I have decisions to make, thoughts to process and emotions to feel and I'm avoiding all of it because I've been avoiding any sort of plan the whole year.

It started when I received an email entitled, One Quarter Down, Three to go, the other day. Excusemesorrywhat? Apparently the world really doesn't stand still when you do. Granted, I haven't been doing nothing. I've been working more than I thought was possible and earning plenty of money for my trouble. I'm good at the work I do and I've been given a lot more responsibility in the last few weeks so I do have something to say for that area of my life. But, when it comes to answering questions about my personal life I'd stare at you blankly and ask for a repeat of the question.

I know the people close to me can tell. One friend has taken to asking me how I am, in a serious tone, every time we speak. Apparently I'm not as good as covering up my mind confusion as I thought I was.
Writing again is my first step towards this sense of oblivion I've begun to feel. I've lost contact with my friends, Australian and afar, myself and the world around me. I don't know why but I know that either writing or a shrink will get it out of me and writing is a lot less expensive! I think the biggest problem is the lack of direction I have – in every area of my life. It's time to create that again.